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What’s With All the Wings?

It was a nice warm weekend in the kingdom for our second of the season and the fairies were out in droves. Or do fairies come in flocks? Whatever. Saturday seemed even busier than last week, but the numbers say differently, and we all know the numbers are never wrong.

We also took the opportunity this week to take in the Royal Finale: Queen Titania’s Magical Light Show. I’m not sure what to say. This was the improved version; I was told last Saturday’s version was really bad. I know it’s not easy being green, so I’ll just leave it at: I was underwhelmed.

For some reason we are often approached by patrons with questions. I guess we look like we know what we’re doing. Or maybe it’s because we don’t move around too much. This week I was approached by a patron who wanted to know “How come the burn ban hasn’t been lifted? After all, it rained last week.” I started to use the excuse that I don’t make the decisions, but instead tried to explain that we have rainfall deficit of approximately twenty-eight inches and that the previous Sunday we had just under two inches and that if it rained like that every day for two weeks the county commissioners would still have to meet and decide to lift burn ban, and really we should hope that things improve enough by next year for it to be lifted. I should have used my excuse. Lesson learned.

All of the Beefeater silliness this week comes courtesy of my two youngest Beefeaters. I guess the veterans are too wise for any silliness. We’ll see.

Savannah had her birthday last week, so after a cupcake and a really bad rendition of Happy Birthday we decided it was time to tell her the truth about the Beefs. She was mildly amused about why we wear skirts, but was a little more shocked when Simon started giving tips on animal husbandry, especially the finer points of the use of duct tape. All we know, we learned from my predecessor, Captain George, who will be visiting this week, and to whom I have left the task of explaining about the turkey.

Our youngest Beefeater, J.D. is still on probation and has been undergoing intense training on the front gates. Part of being a Beefeater is knowing how to properly greet our female guests. To further his training in this area Simon and DeeBee sent over a couple of ecdysiasts to see how he would handle himself. To say he failed spectacularly would be kind. Utterly flustered it was obvious that he had no idea what to do, and taking pity on the poor lad they gave him a kiss on the cheek as they entered. You may think I’m being too hard on the boy, but for pity’s sake J. D. they were STRIPPERS! How could you not do better than that? Just for the record, you’re still on probation.

We’re just getting started, so there should be much more Beef antics to report upon, (and some not to report upon) before the end of the season.

This week looks to have great weather for a pirate invasion, and crowds should be good. I thought about starting a pool on how many Jack Sparrows we would have this weekend, but decided I really don’t care.


See you at the gates… Until then, ‘Fare thee well!’


Sir David Falstaff

Captain, Texas Renaissance Festival Beefeaters

4 thoughts on “What’s With All the Wings?

  1. Oh my, I needed that laugh!!!!! Well done Captain.

  2. At least J.D. didn’t offer them cheese – there is still hope for him!

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